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Discovering God, Discovering Freedom |
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Written by Peter N
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Wednesday, 30 January 2008 |
 Like almost every man, I love women and yearn for love. So I was
falling in love most of the time, but out of shyness I could not show
my love. This was painful, but not so painful that I was willing to
change it. I did try to solve the problem with drinking, and I wanted
to find my happiness there. And with smoking I intended to come out of
isolation and relieve my nervousness. But when I got married, I got a
shock, as I saw how my feelings changed and conflict occurred, but the
longing for love was always there. That kind of love or longing is an
innate addiction, as I believe, and has not much in common with
real love, which is the link between God and his creation:
oneness.
Because of the disappointment in the marriage, I started looking and found A Course in Miracles and later on the 12 Steps. Both show me that I can not solve the problem and that I am dependent on help from God. Both show me that God is a loving God and He is inside of me, not outside of me. Both show me that I am responsible. A Course in Miracles shows it from the point of the solution, thus from above: I am the Son of God, I am as He created me, complete and healed and whole. The 12 Steps show it from below, from the perspective of the problem: I admit that I do not have power over my addiction and I need God’s help.
So A Course in Miracles takes away my blocks, which cover the meaning of love, and through the 12 Step I’m losing the defects in my character, all with the help of God. Before, I tried to stop smoking with the power of my will and it took ten years. Even though I suffered from the smoking, I couldn’t stand it for health reasons. My friends and colleges said I was weak. When I finally could connect with the will of God, I could stop the drinking and smoking, like a miracle, and I saw how strong my will was. Through the 12 Steps, I had the experience of freedom, which I feel as a spiritual awakening.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 02 February 2008 )
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