| Breaking the Mold |
| Written by Ulli | |
| Friday, 04 January 2008 | |
 "When you start doing the 12 Steps you enter into something that is working already." These are the words my sponsor told me when I first met her. True. In one of the meetings I felt this so clearly. There weren't ten of us, but everyone who had been doing and following the program was there with me, literally enveloping me in abundant love. Now this experience is my reminder to choose for strength, to stop playing the game of the fallen hero- to allow for rebirth!
I can physically feel it when I am clinging on to old self-destructive ideas (preferably sacrificial ones). It feels like a mold to me. I am totally trapped. Then the moment of prayer: "Help. I cannot do this by myself." How many times have I heard this? How many times am I relieved to remember that my higher power (I like to call it my alternative) is doing the work for me? It literally is not my job to bring the change about. All I can do is allow for it to happen. Stay in that unpleasant spot for a moment not trying to justify it or pretend it is somehow nice.This is still a big thing for me to admit that the world I made is not working. I need my alternative to step in and help me see things differently, help me see who I really am. Then the mold is cast off and I am free. Sometimes my first steps are tentative, even shaky. New. Reborn. My skin feels smooth, all that weight is gone. The mold is behind me and I can t go back! I am a child of god. Thank you all for doing this. I am so so grateful! It really is true when you change your mind, mine is changed along with yours! Ulli |
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 13 January 2008 ) |