Freedom for me used to be to get my own will. So most of my life I fought, rebelled, defended, manipulated and controlled, to try to get my own will. I did not find freedom through doing so, because I felt exhausted, opposed and in defense against the guilt I felt deep within.

Step 3 says that we made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, as we understood Him. Of course that was the last thing I wanted to do to be free. But I was at the bottom and I had used up all other options I could think of. So I did what I could to stay open-minded about that.

A view days ago I experienced a big dislodgement, triggered by a situation where I was aware of that the only thing I could imagine to use right now as a way of responding, would be to act on my defects of character - thank God I could not do it. There was no action possible in my mind that would have been sane. So I tried to stand still. I felt dislodged, felt exposed and totally dependent - on God! I kind of liked it, but wua-a-a-a-a! So on that day I sat down, thanked God for what was offered me, because in spite of this huge intensity I was somehow happy and aware of that my prayers for help, to be absolutely free, where being answered, and I asked Jesus for help.

I asked him to give me something to read in A Course in Miracles that would help me to stay open for what was happening in me through the Grace of God. When I then opened the book randomly it opened up to Chapter 30 “The Rules for Decision”. There is a joke in that. Because whenever I am on the edge – when I am doubting everything and am about to burn the book and to throw everything out the window I give him a last chance to convince me otherwise (ha-ha, as if I had anything to say about anything in that moment) - he makes me read that exact passage “The Rules for Decision” and that usually makes me even more angry, but it works me anyways.

So this time when I opened to The Rules for Decision I was grateful and curious to see what gift is really in there for me. After reading the passage I decided to apply the rules for decision throughout my day. I kept on doing so. Since then I feel more happy and consistently helped and fulfilled and FREE then ever before. I feel like I catch glimpses of God and of what it means that His Will and my will are working as one. I experience that as freedom.

The prison in my mind is made up by my ideas. The 12 Steps and Jesus’ teaching in A Course in Miracles helped me see those ideas I used to imprison myself and keep my prison walls solid, so I can decide to let them go. Now I see that these programs helped me to be undone so that what’s left of me is only truth – my will united with the Will of God – the way it is supposed to be – naturally. God’s Will for me is perfect happiness. So what’s my problem? Why is there so much resistance in me to let go and let God?

Well, what ever is the answer to that, I know now, that I am free right now to choose what ever I want. Do I want to be free? Yes. Do I find myself in situations that seem to prove to me very insistently that I can’t be free? Yes. Do I have a solution? Yes. Does it depend on me to turn to it? Yes.

(The Intro to "The Rules for Decision” and text of "The Rules for Decision")  I want to invite you to read them and apply them for a day or two and see what happens. For me they are a practical means to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand God. They help me in the moments when I am already in the mess - where everything seems to be too late, where I am angry and in conflict and insane. You have to try it for yourself and see.

I am grateful. This is the way out. Freedom.

It is a remembrance of what is already true. I am given the tools and the help I need to wake up to reality. Wake up! You are free as God created you. And now you know that it is not only a nice idea that might come true in the future, no, it’s here for you right now to take and have as your own. Your Freedom!

Yupieieieie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Susanne