"At some of these steps, we balked." Certainly a lot of us have believed that the fourth step asked more of us than we thought we could give, or we hoped our sanity would be restored to us without having to actually work the program. But half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point in our desire to be healed and asked for God’s care and protection with complete abandon.

What's the purpose of the fourth step? It’s for seeing that I am responsible for causing pain to myself. The cause of every resentment I have is not others (or God). It is the outcome of my own self-seeking and fear.

The world we see merely reflects our own internal frame of reference—the dominant ideas, wishes and emotions in our minds. We look inside first, decide the kind of world we want to see and then project that world outside, making it the truth as we see it. We make it true by our interpretations of what we are seeing. If we are using perception to justify our own mistakes—our anger, our impulses to attack, our lack of love in whatever form it may take—we will see a world of evil, destruction, malice, envy and despair. All this we must learn to forgive, not because we are being "good" and "charitable," but because what we are seeing is not true. We have distorted the world by our twisted defenses, and are therefore seeing what is not there. As we learn to recognize our perceptual errors, we also learn to look past them or "forgive." At the same time we are forgiving ourselves, looking past our distorted self-concepts to the Self that God created in us and as us.

Truly, our freedom lies in the fourth step. Your freedom lies exactly where you have been certain that it's not. We have tried to find salvation from pain by looking outside ourselves for someone else to blame. "What, except for myself, needs to change for me to be saved?" And at first appearance it certainly seems like your resentments are justified – "Look what he did to me!" But, aren't you looking for freedom? Do you realize that you haven't found it in all the ways you've tried before? If these suggestions seem unreasonable, maybe you should try it just because it is the opposite of all you've done before...which has led to the pain you're in today. There is a solution. You have been asked to work this program, as it has been given to you. You are not asked to judge it, or work only those parts that you are comfortable with. You have been asked to depend on God, on a Power greater than yourself.

I discovered relief writing my fourth step. The intensity of trying to solve the situation I found myself in by myself was overwhelming, and I wasn't succeeding - just driving myself more and more crazy. I hated the condition I was in, especially because I knew in my mind that I was causing this pain to myself with my thoughts, but I didn't know how to stop. I experienced a miracle with someone from whom I asked for help. Something shifted in my perception, and after I went home from my visit with her, nothing was ever the same again. I felt I had been given back my mind because suddenly I knew that nothing outside of me could hurt me. Nothing had changed in my situation, but my experience of it was completely different. I had been given the gift of seeing that all the problems that I had been experiencing had been stories I had been telling myself in my own mind, and had nothing to do with reality. Everything that had been upsetting me never bothered me again. Plus, as it turns out, nothing outside of me can make me loving, either.

So, I was grateful to have the permission offered by the fourth step to acknowledge the pain I was in, and my need for help. The fourth step was a gift of instructions given to me by those who had gone before and found their freedom and who were now offering me a rope so I could be lifted out. By taking responsibility for the world as I saw it, I can allow God to be the solution. I literally say, "God, I take responsibility for this (sometimes even if I can't see how I am responsible), and I ask you to be responsible for the solution, to be responsible for me." Remember, you invited God in the second step and in all subsequent steps as well.

The Holy Spirit's vision is merciful and His remedy is quick. Do not hide suffering from His sight, but bring it gladly to Him. Lay before His eternal sanity all your hurt, and let Him heal you. Do not leave any spot of pain hidden from His Light, and search your mind carefully for any thoughts you may fear to uncover. For He will heal every little thought you have kept to hurt you and cleanse it of its littleness, restoring it to the magnitude of God.

God is with you. There is nothing to fear. You are not alone. Ask for Help. Don’t stop now.