Another problem was that as addicts we had become accustomed to pain. More often than not, pain was a central characteristic of our romantic involvement and even many of our sexual pursuits. Some of us even equated pain with love, so that in the absence of love we would at least be comforted by the presence with pain.

But in sobriety, having gone through surrender, withdrawal, and an inventory, what did we still have of ourselves? Couldn't we at least be left with our pain?
  
If we let go of all our character defects (the source of our pain), what would be left of us? Did we have no choice about what we would be at all? Such was our diseased thinking.

Now we discovered that we had crippled ourselves by using this monotonous strategy of distrust and isolation in all relationships, whether they were inherently hostile or not. In the extreme, we had become incapable of trust and authentic intimacy with anyone, even people who now seemed in our recovery to be more willing to trust us and to work towards partnership.

Underlying this whole shift in our attitude was increasing reliance on the God of our understanding. Indeed, it seemed that we were being given still another invitation to deepen our partnership with God . It was enough that we be willing to do the legwork, and be open-minded about what the result would be. God 's grace would give us freedom from the burden of our old self. In humility, we understood that we were only being asked to get out of God 's way, so that, with our cooperation, God 's work could be done in our lives.
Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous

I simply couldn't stop drinking (acting out my addiction), and no human being could seem to do the job for me. But when I became willing to clean house and then asked a Higher Power , God as I understood Him, to give me release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was lifted right out of me.
The Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions

The moment we say, “No never!” our minds close against the grace of God . Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God 's Will for us.
The Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions